The choice of today’s heading was inspired by a play by some young talented Asomdwekromanian playwrights. Their latest play is entitled ‘Thank God for idiots.’ I’m yet to watch the play, but I’m told it is as humorous and educative. It’s no secret that the phrase ‘greedy bastard’ originated from former president Dr. Boom. Knowing very well that you do not take kindly to insults, please permit me to explain the phrase in order to correct the misconception that it is an insult.

The word ‘greedy’ is an adjective which means having strong and selfish desire for food, wealth or power. While the word ‘bastard’ originated from the Latin word ‘bastardus’ and is a noun, meaning  a person born of unknown parents, or an unpleasant or difficult person.

Being the founder of Zu-za, it is understandable if Dr Boom refers to the latter day saints in his party as bastards. And if these latter day saints continue to throw away the principles on which the party stands, and use state cowries to drink tea, eat chinchinga and dip their hands in state coffers, he cannot be faulted for referring to them as greedy bastards.

Many were those who thought the ex-president was too harsh on his comrades. But with the human mosquitoes hatching blocks and building mansions in two years, they could not help but revise their notes. The ‘chop-chop’ syndrome has become so rampant that even the blind can see.

We are now told that all those who matter at the presidency had discussions with the bespectacled bald-headed greedy bastard before the GH¢51.2million cowries were paid to him. What this means is that the presidency has now become ‘419’ headquarters and headed by Agya Ofuntuo himself. Read the man’s March 14, 2012 statement to the Police CID, if you doubt me!

By the way, have you ever wondered when the Executive Director of the Economic and Organized Crime Office (EOCO) will release the full report on the judgement debts? It’s been almost five moons since the so-called interim report was released by his outfit; don’t you think it is high time EOCO released the full report?

I don’t know about you, but I do believe that the report will come out one day. I’m also of the conviction that, as part of the grand scheme to throw dust into our eyes, that day will only come after the second coming of Yesu Kristo.

There has been a wicked konkonsa these past few days that the President had joined his ancestors in Samanfoland. Before one could shed a tear for him, Agya Ofuntuo had resurrected and was seen trotting in readiness to break Usain Bolt’s record as the world’s fastest sprinter. This is the second time in four years that he has resurrected- a feat unequalled by any other human being.

Shame unto the rumour mongers! Agya Ofuntuo is very healthy and has only flown to the US for a routine medical check-up. In the meanwhile, the human mosquito and his ilk hop from one radio station to the other shouting their voices hoarse that the rumour was the handiwork of those riding on the Elephant.

I’m confused, Abusuapanin! What will Kukrudites gain from the demise of the President? Nothing, absolutely nothing! And who do you reckon will be the one to benefit most from the President’s death? Is it not the Vice-President?

In any case, is it not puzzling that the President happened to be travelling to the US for routine medical check-up the very day the rumour came out? Is the coincidence not too coincidental to be accepted on the face value? Could it be that the rumour was deliberately spread by Akatamansonians in order to dilute the efficacy of the judgement debt albatross hanging on the government’s neck?

As for me, I’m a staunch believer in the saying that the animal that will bite one is most likely embedded in one’s garment. So I will advise the human mosquito and his charges to look within for the enemy.

The other day, I heard some of my compatriots say on radio that we should all try and start going for  medical check-up; especially those close to or above the forty-year mark. They say check-ups are essential because diseases could be detected early and treated. Good advice, don’t you think?

But the difficulty for me and most of my compatriots is that we struggle to put two square meals on the table for our families, let alone talk about three square meals. Where and how do we get the cowries to go for a routine medical check-up?

As a matter of fact, the phrase ‘medical check-up’ is one that cannot be found in the lexicon of most of my compatriots. It is not because they do not want good health; but because they can’t afford that luxury.

Courtesy of the greedy bastards, the National Health Insurance Scheme (NHIS) is now operating on limping legs. My compatriots cannot access quality healthcare under the NHIS because of the messy capitation policy introduced by the greedy bastards. Yet they could spend billions of old cowries on refreshments and receptions.

That is better Asomdwekrom for you!

As I write, there is a revelation of another ‘chop-chop’ syndrome by the greedy bastards. Two ministers have given contradictory accounts of the country’s expenditure at the 2010 Football Mundial in South Africa. It is another gargantuan crime and the story is unfolding. Trust my okro-mouth to give you a blow by blow account.

Thank God for greedy bastards, we now know those who care for us and those who don’t. It is now as clear as daylight that those who went shouting ‘I care for you’ only hoodwinked us into voting them into power. But we now know better. We will not be fooled again; for thunder does not strike at the same spot twice. Shalom!