The statistics about who cheats more is way less important than why the sexes cheat. Understand the reasons to help keep your relationship cheat-free.
I am older, okay some days I feel more like ancient, but there are times in my life when I reexamine what I thought I once knew. I always assumed men cheat on women far more than women cheat on men. As the years have passed, I look around and wonder who cheats more. Because I’ve seen many women cheat on their men.
It led me to question whether men really do cheat more than women as the stereotype goes, or if what I took for granted as true was not. Is the truth that it isn’t just men out there breaking up relationships and not honoring their vows?
What I found was there are very specific reasons why men and women cheat. If you want to know who cheats more, then it is more important to examine why people cheat at all.
Let’s look at the statistics
Some statistics show as many as 70% of men have admitted to cheating on their significant other. Shockingly as many as 60% of women admitted to doing the same. Others report the figure is closer to 10 to 20% of both males and females. Almost even, the numbers changed significantly over the past four decades. What is behind the increase in both men and women straying from their relationships? [Read: Tempted to cheat? 15 reasons why being faithful is so hard]
A recent study done at Indiana University concluded the sexes are equal. According to the latest figures, as many as 20% of partners cheat on each other *both men and women*. If you worry about the potential of your significant other going astray, it is not as important to know the odds of infidelity as it is to understand the reasons why people go outside of their current union for sex.
The differences between why men and women cheat are very different. Knowing what they are may keep your spouse put and make them never look anywhere but to you.
Why do people cheat?
The mistake we all make is to think we are better than animals when it comes to evolution and our instincts. Human beings are no different from other species. Their entire purpose on earth is to continue to be on earth by procreating. Sex is not only something that feels really good; it is necessary for the survival of the species.
Men and women are wired to have sex. Men, however, have an additional drive to want variety. Since they are the ones whose sole purpose is to carry and spread their seed, as much as we don’t want to acknowledge it, they have an inner drive for many different partners and to be attracted to other people even when in a committed relationship.
As evolution has progressed, however, the sexes have started to equal in their feeling of commitment within a relationship. Perhaps because it has become more acceptable, without consequence, or easier to meet people outside of your marriage, the genders have begun to even out.
It used to be you only heard about men who were out meeting people in an office situation, working closely with women in the workplace, making intimate connections, but that is not the case anymore. Both genders find love outside of the confines of their home situation. [Read: Am I cheating? 8 signs you’re accidentally doing it already]
Why do men cheat?
Most of us assume a man goes outside of his relationship for sex because he is unhappy in his current one. That is not the case at all. What research tells us is that if a man loves his wife with all that he is and is extremely happy by her side – but if their sex is unsatisfying, the desire for excellent sex is more important than keeping his commitment.
Of course, this is not the same for every guy. In general, however, the happier you keep your man sexually, the less likely he is to cheat on you. Driven by desire, men seek out new sexual experiences to fulfill their need for sexual gratification no matter how healthy their relationship is. [Read: Why do men cheat? – 3 big reasons and 27 more]
Men are different from women when it comes to the calculation of sex outside marriage. A man who cheats is often looking for one thing: sex. He is not above setting up a dating profile, picking strange women up in a bar for a one-night affair, or having sex online.
Not needing any emotional connection, it is purely about the sexual gratification. They go to great lengths to keep their extramarital affairs secret and are in and out of the cheating situation. Not wanting to get hung up, it isn’t about finding happiness with someone for the long-term, just about an hour or so.
Why do women cheat?
Often what you will find is women are better at justifying their extramarital relationships. Women who cheat outside of their marriage do so for emotional connection, not just the sexual one. It normally progresses into a sexual relationship, but they are looking first to get the attention and love they feel is missing in their current union.
The decision for a woman to cheat on her husband usually is not a conscious or calculated one. They develop an emotional tie with another man outside of their marriage, and something sexual develops. They are not likely to set up a profile to find a man to have sex with. They are more likely to make a friend at work and the next thing they know, they are sneaking around having sex on the side.
Women also tend to get wrapped up in their affairs, which would explain why most of the relationships I know that have broken up due to infidelity, have been women initiating it. It is probably because women get more emotionally tied to their affair and can’t seem to let go, confusing them, and making them choose between two men.
Women who are happy in their current relationship are not likely to cheat. To women, an affair is not about sex, it is about finding the satisfaction they are missing in their current union. Unlike men who can be in a completely loving and happy marriage and still cheat, women who feel valued and loved, normally will not go outside of the relationship purely for sexual encounters.
How do you stop your man or woman from cheating?
#1 A man who feels valued and has a good sex life is less likely than anyone to cheat in a relationship. If you want to keep your relationship cheat-free the best way to keep your man is to keep him interested.
Don’t let things in the bedroom get stale or fool yourself into thinking that going a couple of weeks without sex is okay with him or you. If you want to keep him by your side, you may have to take the initiative to spice things up in the bedroom and keep him guessing at every turn.
#2 If you are a man trying to keep your relationship with your lady, give her the emotional connection she craves. Don’t take her for granted, or treat her like she isn’t a priority. It is not uncommon for things in your life to get hectic and to lose that connection you once had, but you have to put the effort in to stop once in a while and listen to her.
She must feel valued, loved and connected to stay put and not to have the bug in her ear that someone out there may love and treat her better.
You may know you love her, but does she? If you admire her, think she is hot, or want to hold onto her, tell her so, and you will never have to worry about her going astray.
#3 Keep the small issues small and stop things from snowballing out of control. If the same issues continue to arise, or she expresses resentment or dissatisfaction in your relationship, it is important to try to get things back on track.
Even if it feels like she is unreasonable, if you attend to the small things as they arise they won’t be huge mountains that stand in the way of your closeness in the future
You can’t stop someone from doing something they want to do, but you can minimize the likelihood by not taking your spouse for granted. Whether it is providing them with the sexual or emotional attention they need, the better connected you are, the more likely you will be connected forever.